Are you experiencing pain or feelings of lack in your life due to something that has caused emotional or financial changes or perhaps a broken or dysfunctional relationship or illness? Perhaps you have changed jobs recently or lost a job?
Someone once said “The only constant is change…”
We all have to deal with change throughout our lives. Sometimes the change is predictable, but sometimes unpredictable change happens, which throws us totally off-balance. Caro Handley said that there are four types of change we can expect to face at some point in our lives:
Change we expect and want (like a new job)
Change we expect but don't want (like having major surgery)
Change we don't expect but want (like winning the sweepstakes)
Change we don't expect and don't want (like sudden illness or death)
CREATE CHANGE
Create experiences you want instead of suffering through experiences you don’t want… Change would serve you much better if you planned it. Decide upfront what you want and write it down. Don’t forget to also write down your reasons for wanting the change. This will help you to embrace it.
ACCEPTANCE
Accept that you will have to give something up in order to create a new experience in your life. For instance, if you decide to get married, you give up your single life happily (good change), but if you decide to start your own business, you give up your monthly salary feeling very insecure (bad or unpleasant change).
Achievers almost always embrace change because to them it indicates growth. Even change for the worse can be turned into a growth experience for an achiever, because they look at how the change can serve them. I know someone who was retrenched a year ago. He was devastated because he has a young family and he had to face the fact that the chances of him being employed again were slim due to our Black Economic Empowerment policies. He made a decision to become an entrepreneur and started his business with very little capital - but a whole lot of guts. His income has more than doubled!
Also accept that even the smallest of change will have an impact on you, whether you have chosen the change or not. Changing your routine; a new computer; a new image; a new job - all change has an effect on your psyche. Don’t fret over it, find support and embrace it.
SUPPORT
Find someone who will support you during this period of change. Having a mentor or a coach for guidance will change the way you see and do things. Choose a mentor who has experienced the same change as the one you’re planning or are forced into. Remember your family and friends are invaluable sources of support. Talking to them about the changes in your life will help to put things in perspective and it will help you to gain clarity on a whole new vision for your future.
Caro Handley says the trouble with change is that it has a cluster effect. One change often seems to be followed by several more and it can feel as though your whole world is changing. Here’s her guide for coping with change as easily as possible:
Expect a reaction
People often say: “I don’t know why it’s affected me so much” and criticise themselves for crying, laughing, or feeling moody. All these, and every other emotion are normal in the face of change – any change.
Let yourself grieve
Change, no matter how good it is, means loss. When something in your life changes you lose the old way of being or the old set of circumstances. And loss means grief and nostalgia.
Go with the flow
Resist and be rigid in the face of change and it will be a lot more painful. The secret is to be flexible and you can ride it out more easily. Think of yourself like a boat in a storm. Turn against the waves and they’ll crush you, go with them and they’ll carry you home.
Hang on to the familiar
If the change is big then keep up many familiar things as you can – and remind yourself of how much in your life isn’t changing. Stick to your usual routines, see people you normally see, and reassure yourself that not everything has to change just because some things have.
Get support
Don’t try to cope alone or keep your feelings to yourself. Talk about it, have a hug, a laugh, a cup of tea and a bit of reassurance. Being brave doesn’t always mean managing alone. It may mean finding the courage to ask for help.
Divide it up
When possible divide bigger changes into smaller steps. For instance, a house move, a wedding or a divorce involves several stages. When you feel overwhelmed by the enormity of the change, concentrate on the step you’ve reached, rather than the bigger picture.
Find the good in it
Some changes feel awful – death, illness, financial loss and many others can feel like the end of the world. Sometimes you have to look very hard to find the blessing in such changes, but there always is one. It’s through change that we grow wiser and stronger and learn to make better decisions.
Know that it will end
All change comes to an end when the new circumstances are in place and become familiar to you. Every change, no matter how big, will end and you’ll return to a feeling of normality. Keep this in mind when you feel as though you’re in the middle of a bumpy ride.
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