Communication – Listening.

Jam 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness nor shadow of turning. 18 Of His own will He brought us forth with the Word of truth, for us to be a certain firstfruit of His creatures. 19 Therefore, my beloved brothers, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.

Most people spend about 70% of their waking hours in some form of verbal communication. Yet, how many of us have ever had any formal training in the art of listening? Real listening is an active process that has three basic steps.

1. Hearing
Hearing just means listening enough to catch what the speaker is saying. For example, say you were listening to a report on fingerprints, and the speaker mentioned that no two people’s fingerprints are alike. If you can repeat the fact, then you have heard what has been said.

2. Understanding
The next part of listening happens when you understand what you have heard. Let's use the scenario of the fingerprints again. When you hear that no two people’s fingerprints are alike, think about what that might mean. You might think, "Maybe this means that the pattern of stripes is different on every person’s fingers."

3. Judging
After you are sure that you understand what the speaker has said, think about whether it makes sense. Do you believe what you have heard? You might think, "How could the patterns of stripes be different on every person’s fingers? But then again, every zebra’s stripes are different too. I think this seems believable.

"Psa 28:5 Because they do not pay attention to the works of Jehovah and to the work of His hands, He shall destroy them and never build them up.

Here are some tips on becoming a good listener:

1. Listen with unconditional acceptance. That means listening without an agenda or preconceived ideas about the outcome. It simply means that you suspend judgment. The state of unconditional acceptance frees your mind to really listen for other clues and for “in-between” messages.

2. Listening involves more than simply hearing the words, it also requires active involvement that includes understanding, acknowledging, and responding.

3. Don’t assume that the subject is boring or uninteresting before you’ve heard what the other person has to say.

4. Don’t get turned off when someone is nervous, stutters or has an irritating voice. The key to good listening is to listen to the message.

5. Tune out distractions and focus on the speaker and the message. Maintain eye contact with the speaker. Lean forward in your chair. Let the speaker’s words “sink in” by immediately trying to understand their point of view. If necessary, turn in your chair, to block out unwanted distractions.

6. Structured listening may “clutter” your mind. Asking your self questions like: “What is the speaker's main point? What is he really saying? Or trying to decide on the speaker’s purpose, evidence or intent, will result in mental argument and analysis, which will “clutter” your mind.

7. First listen and acknowledge what you hear - even if you don’t agree with it, before expressing your experience or point of view. Allow the speaker to finish what he wants to say.

8. Listen and give a brief restatement of what you have heard (especially feelings), before you express your own needs or position.

9. Acknowledging another person’s thoughts and feelings does not have to mean that you approve of or agree with that person’s actions or way of experiencing, or that you will do whatever someone asks.

10. Active listening means you are listening for content, meaning, and feelings. To make sure you understand what the person has said (especially when you think you disagree with the statement) paraphrase what you heard.

11. When we strongly disagree with something we hear, we begin to argue mentally and we come up with a rebuttal. That is because we resist new information that conflicts with what we believe. Resist the temptation to interrupt the speaker to rebut.

12. Don’t get sidetracked by taking too many notes. Use keywords to make important notes and fill in the missing words later.

Tit 3:9 But avoid foolish questions and genealogies and contentions, and strivings about the Law, for they are unprofitable and vain. 10 After the first and second warning, reject a man of heresy,


Listening Blocks

Kenneth Johnson said that one of the best ways to begin to improve your listening skills is to have a better understanding of some of the most common behaviors you and others demonstrate when not listening effectively. He said that the following listening blocks should not always be considered bad. In certain situations, they can be effective at helping an individual achieve a particular result. The key to its effectiveness is to be aware of when and why you are using them.

Heb 10:24 and let us consider one another to provoke to love and to good works, 25 not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.


1. Rehearsing
Your whole attention is on designing and preparing your next comment. You look interested, but your mind is going a mile a minute because you are thinking about what to say next. Some people rehearse whole chains of responses: I'll say then he'll say, and so on.

2. Judging
Negatively labeling people can be extremely limiting. If you prejudge somebody as incompetent or uninformed, you don't pay much attention to what that person says. A basic rule of listening is that judgments should only be made after you have heard and evaluated the content of the message.

3. Identifying
When using this block, you take everything people tell you and refer it back to your own experience. They want to tell you about a toothache, but that reminds you of your oral surgery for receding gums. You launch into your story before they can finish theirs.

4. Advising
You are the great problem solver. You don't have to hear more than a few sentences before you begin searching for the right advice. However, while you are coming up with suggestions and convincing someone to just try it you may miss what is most important.

5. Sparring
This block has you arguing and debating with people who never feel heard because you are so quick to disagree. In fact, your main focus is on finding things to disagree with.

6. Being Right
Being right means you will go to great lengths (twist the facts, start shouting, make excuses or accusations, call up past sins) to avoid being wrong. You can't listen to criticism, you can't be corrected, and you can't take suggestions to change.

7. Derailing
This listening block involves suddenly changing the subject. You derail the train of conversation when you get uncomfortable or bored with a topic. Another way of derailing is by joking.

8. Placating
Right . . . Absolutely . . . I know . . . Of course you are . . . Incredible . . . Really? You want to be nice, pleasant and supportive. You want people to like you. So you agree with everything. You may half-listen just enough to get the drift, but you are not really involved.

9. Dreaming
When we dream, we pretend to listen but really tune the other person out while we drift about in our inner fantasies. Instead of disciplining ourselves to truly concentrate on the input we turn the channel to a more entertaining subject.

Communication – Gossip

Pro 20:19 A gossip is a revealer of secrets; so do not mix with him who flatters with his lips.

Gossip can be defined as, idle, malicious, slanderous or destructive talking or writing about another person or situation with the intention to hurt them, regardless of fact. Gossip can be true or false, but it is still gossip. It is by far the most common social weapon.

Organizations should care about gossip because, gossip decreases productivity and creativity; it distracts people from their work; it divides teams; it compromises customer service; and it causes pain and resentment for the victims. Gossip consumes much more time at work than previously believed.

Every family and every office has a number of ‘busy-bodies’ who derive great enjoyment from passing on information about others. It even happens among friends. Paying attention to gossip mongers encourage their behavior and it empowers them. To make matters worse, the gossiper hardly ever leaves empty handed since we usually pass on our own bits of information to them.

Isa 43:18 Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old.

We can think of many reasons and excuses for passing on information about others. We may even feel justified in doing so. The fact is that gossiping is a hurtful activity.

How to detect a gossiper

A gossiper has low self-esteem, and by gossiping about others, their feeling of being powerless decreases.

Gossips want to gain favor and power for themselves by sharing gossip with others.

Gossipers gain feelings of power by isolating their victim.

Gossipers lack the ability to trust. It is possible for a gossiper to trust, but only over a long period of time.

A gossiper will play one person against another. This is usually done by creating friendship triangles.

A gossiper will divide and conquer groups that already have established, trusting relationships.

Feelings of chronic rage, bitterness, anger and resentment will always be evident in a gossiper

A chronic gossiper needs constant affirmation.
Why do we gossip?

Pride.
Bitterness, hostility, anger, resentment.
Low self-esteem; desire to pull others around them down to their level.
Purposeful attempt to destroy someone, motivated by jealousy.
Influence of peers; need for acceptance.
Some people view gossip as a ‘friendship builder.’

What does gossip do to the victim?

Gossip causes pain and embarrassment.
It damages the victim’s character and reputation.
It is destructive and causes division.
Trust is broken.
The victim’s job/future/emotional well-being may be at stake.
Relationships are damaged.

What really motivates us to gossip?

It elevates us subconsciously. We feel ‘powerful’ when we ‘prove’ that we know things about others or when the listener seems shocked or interested in what we have to say. The impact we make makes us feel powerful and it subconsciously elevates us.

When we carry personal pain from an event or situation from our past, it’s easy to turn on others or to lash out in anger. We sometimes want others to hurt as much as we hurt. The problem is that we simply add to our burden when we behave so badly. Sometimes all it takes is to forgive people from our past in order to move forward and building lasting relationships.

Heb 10:23 Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering (for He is faithful who promised), 24 and let us consider one another to provoke to love and to good works,

Communication – Anger.

We have all experienced anger in some form or another, whether as an annoyance or as full-fledged rage. Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion, but when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems - at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. Anger can make you feel out of control, powerless and at the mercy of your own unpredictable emotions. The good news is that it is possible to manage anger.

Eph 4:25 Therefore putting away lying, let each man speak truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. 26 Be angry, and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down upon your wrath, 27 neither give place to the Devil.

Like other emotions anger is accompanied by physiological and biological changes. When you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline. Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You may be angry with a specific person (such as a colleague or manager at work) or event (a traffic jam or cancelled flight) or your anger could be caused by concern or worrying about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic events can also trigger angry feelings.

Pro 14:16 A wise one fears and departs from evil, but the fool rages and is sure. 17 He who is soon angry acts foolishly, and a man of wicked plots is hated.

Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats and it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival. On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us, because laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

Rom 12:17 Repay no one evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. 18 If it is possible, as far as is in you, being in peace with all men. 19 not avenging yourselves, beloved, but giving place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord."

There are several important things about anger to keep in mind:

It is a powerful survival tool
It is a response to pain (physical or psychological)
It is a source of energy
It is a secondary emotion
In anger mode the brain downshifts to a lower evolutionary level
Prolonged anger is unhealthy
Repressed anger is also unhealthy

Three main approaches people use to deal with their anger:

Expressing
Suppressing
Calming

Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive (not aggressive) manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding - it means being respectful of yourself and others.

Isa 1:17 learn to do good; seek judgment, reprove the oppressor. Judge the orphan, plead for the widow. 18 Come now, and let us reason together, says Jehovah; though your sins are as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be like wool. 19 If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land;

Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward - on yourself!

Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression. Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.

You can also choose to calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

Strategies to Manage Anger

Jam 1:19 Therefore, my beloved brothers, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. 20 For the wrath of man does not work out the righteousness of God. 21 Therefore putting aside all filthiness and overflowing of evil, receive in meekness the implanted Word, which is able to save your souls.

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of (or avoid) the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.
Relaxation

Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and visualization, can help calm anger down. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques or you can buy audiotapes of guided relaxation techniques or meditations. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.

Cognitive Restructuring

Phi 4:7 And the peace of God which passes all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, my brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are honest, whatever things are right, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there is any virtue and if there is any praise, think on these things. 9 Do those things which you have also learned and received and heard and seen in me. And the God of peace shall be with you.

Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. When we become angry, we become the victim of the circumstance, situation or other person. You render yourself powerless to do anything about the situation.

Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective.

Angry people tend to demand things, like fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions - frustration, disappointment and emotional pain, but not anger.

Problem Solving

Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.

Better Communication

Angry people tend to jump to (and act on) conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
When you decide not to get angry, you remain in control of the situation - and you own the moment!

Affirmations

2Ti 1:7 For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

You can let go of fear and distorted perceptions and beliefs by writing positive affirmations, which will change your life forever. An affirmation cannot contain any negative words like “can’t, should not, don’t, won’t, stop” etc.

It should be written in present terms as though what you want already exists. For example:
I am in control of my life.
I am emotionally strong
I make good choices.
I have a strong, healthy body.
I have good relationships with people.
I am successful and empowered.
My life is filled with abundance.

Jam 3:6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. So the tongue is set among our members, spotting all the body and inflaming the course of nature, and being inflamed by hell. 7 For every kind of animals, and of birds, and of reptiles, and of sea-animals, is tamed, and has been tamed by mankind. 8 But no one can tame the tongue, it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. 9 By this we bless God, even the Father. And by this we curse men, who have come into being according to the image of God. 10 Out of the same mouth proceeds blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.

Remember, what you concentrate on is what you create. Write you affirmations by hand. Say your affirmations out loud, at least ten times per day. Concentrate on every word and listen to what you say. ‘Experience’ your success. ‘Be’ your success. Experience it through the art of visualization. Use as many of your senses as possible. See it, feel it, hear it, Be it.

You don’t have to believe your affirmations when you start. I can assure you that within one or two weeks of saying your affirmations out loud, 10 times per day, using as many senses as possible at the same time, you will “speak” your affirmation into being and not only will you believe it, you will ‘be’ it.

Create new experiences that you really want instead of living in fear of the ones you have now. Remember that your outer world is really a reflection of your inner world. Changing your inner world will change your outer world. In other words, changing your thoughts and beliefs will change your experiences and behavior.

Phi 4:8 Finally, my brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are honest, whatever things are right, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there is any virtue and if there is any praise, think on these things. 9 Do those things which you have also learned and received and heard and seen in me. And the God of peace shall be with you.

Affirmations will change negative beliefs you currently have. If you want to change a specific behaviour, create a specific affirmation to change the behavior.
In order to change the negative into a positive belief, do the following exercise:

NEGATIVE BELIEF / BEHAVIOUR POSITIVE AFFIRMATION
I am unsuccessful I am successful
I am unfit and unhealthy I am strong and healthy
I speak in anger I speak with love
I have a lot of debt I have financial abundance
My family is falling apart I have a loving, caring family
I am awful I am confident and charismatic


Affirmations should be used in conjunction with goal setting. Once you decide on the goal you want, you can write specific positive affirmations that will help you reach your goal.

Create the person you want and a life you really want and love, by accessing the power of your mind and the perfect will of God for your life, to change negative behaviors and to align your thoughts, words and actions.

Grace Received

How often do we need this thing called `grace`? I can not imagine living my life without the knowledge that God's grace, is sufficient for me. But do we actually understand the Grace of God?

Rth 2:8 Then Boaz spoke to Ruth: "Listen, my daughter. From now on don't go to any other field to glean--stay right here in this one. And stay close to my young women. 9 Watch where they are harvesting and follow them. And don't worry about a thing; I've given orders to my servants not to harass you. When you get thirsty, feel free to go and drink from the water buckets that the servants have filled." 10 She dropped to her knees, then bowed her face to the ground. "How does this happen that you should pick me out and treat me so kindly--me, a foreigner?" 11 Boaz answered her, "I've heard all about you--heard about the way you treated your mother-in-law after the death of her husband, and how you left your father and mother and the land of your birth and have come to live among a bunch of total strangers. 12 GOD reward you well for what you've done--and with a generous bonus besides from GOD, to whom you've come seeking protection under his wings." 13 She said, "Oh sir, such grace, such kindness--I don't deserve it. You've touched my heart, treated me like one of your own. And I don't even belong here!" 14 At the lunch break, Boaz said to her, "Come over here; eat some bread. Dip it in the wine." So she joined the harvesters. Boaz passed the roasted grain to her. She ate her fill and even had some left over. 15 When she got up to go back to work, Boaz ordered his servants: "Let her glean where there's still plenty of grain on the ground--make it easy for her. 16 Better yet, pull some of the good stuff out and leave it for her to glean. Give her special treatment."

What an incredible description of the gospel in it's totality:

As a stranger - Ruth was accepted - Boaz looked at her and loved her. He loved her first - she did not even know him.

The `grace` that Boaz bestowed on Ruth - gave her freedom.

No longer did she have to scavenge for food.

She did not have to be on the `look-out` for servants and guards who might chase her away from the Landlord's fields. She could openly come and go, to drink fresh water, eat from the Master's fields.

John 8:31 Then Jesus turned to the Jews who had claimed to believe in him. "If you stick with this, living out what I tell you, you are my disciples for sure. 32 Then you will experience for yourselves the truth, and the truth will free you." 33 Surprised, they said, "But we're descendants of Abraham. We've never been slaves to anyone. How can you say, 'The truth will free you'?"

Jesus declared Himself as `the Truth`! Truth equals Grace

In Him we find freedom. Freedom from having to look for nourishment in other `fields`. The fields of strange religions and cultures and ways of doing things.

In Him we find the Well of Living water, that gives eternal refreshing. ( Joh 4:10 Jesus answered, "If you knew the generosity of God and who I am, you would be asking me for a drink, and I would give you fresh, living water.")

In Him we can withstand the attacks of satan and we do not have to be concerned about his `servants` who will want to bother us. ( Eph 6:11 So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way.)

In Him is Grace - because He is Grace !

Grace - it is His grace that strengthens us and carries us to the next level of maturity. It is His Grace that allows us repentance. It is His Grace that waits for us, while we drag our feet on the road of growth.

We do not forgive because of law - we forgive because we have been forgiven first. We love because we are loved. We share and give because we have received.

Rev 7:9 I looked again. I saw a huge crowd, too huge to count. Everyone was there--all nations and tribes, all races and languages. And they were standing, dressed in white robes and waving palm branches, standing before the Throne and the Lamb 10 and heartily singing: Salvation to our God on his Throne! Salvation to the Lamb! 11 All who were standing around the Throne--Angels, Elders, Animals--fell on their faces before the Throne and worshiped God, 12 singing: Oh, Yes! The blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving, The honor and power and strength, To our God forever and ever and ever! Oh, Yes !

We are to worship and praise, because we received all this and because He is worthy and deserving. It all belongs with Him.

What is your life's purpose?

Life Skills by deonhall@iburst.co.za http://www.kaleoministries.co.za

Your values, principals and passion are the strongest indicators of your Life’s Purpose.
Passion is that burning interest and enthusiasm that propels the huge effort you put into something.

Pro 23:7 for as he thinks in his heart, so is he

If you have managed to turn your hobby or passion for a subject into a career, then you are probably one of the successful people on earth – because success is what normally happens to people who live their Life’s Purpose. Most people have never considered turning their passion into a career simply because the first thought that comes to mind is “it won’t pay the bills” or “it can’t happen…” instead of: “how can I make it happen…?”

Psa 37:3 Trust in Jehovah, and do good; you shall dwell in the land, and you shall be fed on truth. 4 Delight yourself also in Jehovah, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. 5 Roll your way on Jehovah; trust also in Him, and He will work.

Stop sabotaging yourself. We prevent our own success. We find excuses, or blame others, for our own failures or mistakes instead of learning from them. Our self-talk is all negative. "I'd never get a job like that," or "I'm not good enough," or "Why try? It's too hard." Re-program yourself by writing appropriate affirmations, which will change your thoughts, beliefs and behavior.

Psa 37:7 Rest in Jehovah, and wait patiently for Him; do not fret yourself because of him who prospers in his way, because of him who practices wickedness. 8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; do not fret yourself to do evil.

Through affirmations you will “speak” your dreams into reality.

Jam 1:4 But let patience have its perfect work, so that you may be perfect and entire, lacking nothing. 5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and with no reproach, and it shall be given to him. 6 But let him ask in faith, doubting nothing. For he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven by the wind and tossed.

Avoid people who rain on your parade. You must avoid negative dialogue — it's poisonous to your dreams and future achievements. Instead, find supporters, new mentors, a coach, take classes, read books, listen to motivational tapes that teach effective ways to make your future and next job a real dream come true. Find ways to incorporate your passions and hobbies into your career.

You were born with natural talents and strengths. These talents and strengths are the things you find easy to do. Maybe it’s writing or training. Perhaps it’s designing or sport. Remember you don’t have to be a sportsman / woman forever. You could Coach Training and help others develop their talents and strengths.

That may be your Life’s Purpose. If you built your career on your talents, strengths and passion it will be easier to excel. When you live your Life’s Purpose, you automatically work harder, longer hours and feel absolute joy doing it. You will jump out of bed in the morning to rush to your job - if it’s doing what you were meant to do.

We often prevent our own success by sabotaging ourselves. We blame others and find excuses for our own failures or mistakes instead of taking responsibility and changing our lives forever by having the courage to make a career from our passion. We sabotage ourselves with negative beliefs and self-talk.

Successful people surround themselves with people who share their passion, goals and beliefs. To create that, you have to support others in the same way.

Do you listen to your friends, colleagues and family when they express a need to reach a certain goal? Do you offer support and encouragement?

Remember to display the behaviors that you want others to display to you. In other words, if you want trust, love and respect, then you have to show them that you trust, love and respect them.

If you want your family to support your dreams, goals and career, then you have to support their dreams, goals and career.

Encourage the people that matter to you and they will give you the same encouragement and support.

Happiness

The dictionary describes happiness as “a state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy…”

Gal 5:22 But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard--things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, 23 not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way.

This is what I believe Heaven to be – living in a state of intense joy every day. I once read “Hell is the experience of the worst possible outcome of your choices, decisions and creations.” If that is true, then Heaven must be the experience of the best possible outcome of your choices, decisions and creations!

Happiness isn’t something that happens to us. It’s not an event. It’s a state of mind… of being. Happiness is what we choose… every day. It’s the result of our good choices, decisions and creations.

Psa 103:2 O my soul, bless GOD, don't forget a single blessing!

As long as you believe that there is someone or something out there “doing it” to you, you dis-empower yourself to do anything about it. We “do it” to ourselves. We trip ourselves up every day and we look around for the culprit, because there has to be someone out there doing it to us. It would have been easier if there were, because then we could ‘chase” them away and be happy…

It wasn’t until I accepted responsibility for myself that my life changed

Happiness and financial abundance was something that happened to others. It never happened to me.

My healing started with that realization, so I wrote down what I wanted from life and set goals to achieve it. The first step to my happiness and fulfillment was to educate myself.

It was hard, but these were my choices and I wanted it… badly!

Happiness is a choice! When I ‘got’ that, I realized that I was in control of my own life. I have the power to decide what state of mind and being I wanted - and I have the power to create it. It was one of the ‘wow!’ moments of my life. On some level, we create all our own experiences!

Joh 10:9 I am the door. If anyone enters in by Me, he shall be saved and shall go in and out and find pasture. 10 The thief does not come except to steal and to kill and to destroy. I have come so that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

The fact is that when we make the wrong decisions and choices we have the power to re-create! For the first time in my life I really felt empowered! - I can choose what I wish to experience!

Phi 4:8 Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious--the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.

“When we align our thoughts, emotions and actions with the highest part of ourselves, we are filled with enthusiasm, purpose and meaning. Life is rich and full. We have no thoughts of bitterness. We have no memory of fear. We are joyous and intimately engaged with our world. This is the experience of authentic power.”

Your journey towards authenticity will affect everyone around you. As you increase the energy (frequency) of your consciousness, you start reflecting love, acceptance, humbleness and forgiveness. The result of that is happiness and joy beyond description. More and more people will be affected by your authentic power, because you will draw them to you.

All you need to draw happiness into your life is the intention to make it so!

Your attitude always reflects your intentions. If you are angry, resentful or filled with fear, your intention will be to keep people away from you. If you want warmth and companionship but your unconscious intention is to keep people away from you, the experience of pain will resurface again and again until you realize that you are creating it. If your intention is to have love and happiness in your life, you will draw people to you. Your intention creates the reality that you will experience.

Mind the way you communicate with others. Speak from your authentic self and decide to resolve issues amicably.

There is a lot of mutual imitation in everyday communication (I raise my voice then you raise your voice, etc).

When we adopt a more compassionate and respectful attitude toward others, we invite and influence others to do the same toward us.

Show gratitude in every possible way that you can.

Happiness is your birthright.