Communication – Gossip

Pro 20:19 A gossip is a revealer of secrets; so do not mix with him who flatters with his lips.

Gossip can be defined as, idle, malicious, slanderous or destructive talking or writing about another person or situation with the intention to hurt them, regardless of fact. Gossip can be true or false, but it is still gossip. It is by far the most common social weapon.

Organizations should care about gossip because, gossip decreases productivity and creativity; it distracts people from their work; it divides teams; it compromises customer service; and it causes pain and resentment for the victims. Gossip consumes much more time at work than previously believed.

Every family and every office has a number of ‘busy-bodies’ who derive great enjoyment from passing on information about others. It even happens among friends. Paying attention to gossip mongers encourage their behavior and it empowers them. To make matters worse, the gossiper hardly ever leaves empty handed since we usually pass on our own bits of information to them.

Isa 43:18 Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old.

We can think of many reasons and excuses for passing on information about others. We may even feel justified in doing so. The fact is that gossiping is a hurtful activity.

How to detect a gossiper

A gossiper has low self-esteem, and by gossiping about others, their feeling of being powerless decreases.

Gossips want to gain favor and power for themselves by sharing gossip with others.

Gossipers gain feelings of power by isolating their victim.

Gossipers lack the ability to trust. It is possible for a gossiper to trust, but only over a long period of time.

A gossiper will play one person against another. This is usually done by creating friendship triangles.

A gossiper will divide and conquer groups that already have established, trusting relationships.

Feelings of chronic rage, bitterness, anger and resentment will always be evident in a gossiper

A chronic gossiper needs constant affirmation.
Why do we gossip?

Pride.
Bitterness, hostility, anger, resentment.
Low self-esteem; desire to pull others around them down to their level.
Purposeful attempt to destroy someone, motivated by jealousy.
Influence of peers; need for acceptance.
Some people view gossip as a ‘friendship builder.’

What does gossip do to the victim?

Gossip causes pain and embarrassment.
It damages the victim’s character and reputation.
It is destructive and causes division.
Trust is broken.
The victim’s job/future/emotional well-being may be at stake.
Relationships are damaged.

What really motivates us to gossip?

It elevates us subconsciously. We feel ‘powerful’ when we ‘prove’ that we know things about others or when the listener seems shocked or interested in what we have to say. The impact we make makes us feel powerful and it subconsciously elevates us.

When we carry personal pain from an event or situation from our past, it’s easy to turn on others or to lash out in anger. We sometimes want others to hurt as much as we hurt. The problem is that we simply add to our burden when we behave so badly. Sometimes all it takes is to forgive people from our past in order to move forward and building lasting relationships.

Heb 10:23 Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering (for He is faithful who promised), 24 and let us consider one another to provoke to love and to good works,